Thursday, March 18, 2004

the following excerpt can be found on splashwurks.com



tell me a story. an opinion a view a thesis. a sermon, the word of God itself! show me heaven earth and all you see, or imagine, or both if you can.



tell me more about yourself, your life, the life of others. who did you see all your life? and what did you read about and who broke your heart? -are you troubled? on a journey, to an answer I hope?



language poetry prose and overheard dialogue. sounds that are called music by most and conversation by the learned some. assuming another life form an image altogether, can you be it and make me believe it? I want to see and feel the visionary sermon like it was a prophetic word in season like it was, it. Sharper than blades, like no word can speak... move me. move me, I want to feel your life, your joys, your sudden depression, your view of society, dance like politicians, and behave like animals. structural life form art in all dimensions I know it is no longer flat, this world, it is no longer plain, and I am but in one language now, too inadequate. I must see the world with all my being now.



but who is the being, it is just me. I am but one I cannot save all. I want the world to know and be loved and love in return, to experience life and life overflowing. I am but one. But I know, that because every place my foot treads will be mine, I will be able to start some, and then some more. I am but one, but I have been given like the servant in that parable, talents, and because they are in my possession, here I am. One, but living with passion, desiring nothing than to fulfill my destiny!

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

From 'Coco and Igor' by Chris Greenhalgh



"Someone once said... as two people approach a street corner from different directions, what are the chances of them both humming the same tune and, as they meet, of each reaching the exact same phrase? What are the chances of that happening, and what would it mean if it did?"





I'm back to basics again, I am indeed fallible. But I relish. It's so infantile I feel, to hear of or participate in a conversation of, 'I like someone...' etc, because, if you are attracted to someone you oughta just do something about it! Like go out with him, right? Why moan over it just to make conversation with a friend who will ultimately just nudge you when HE comes along and make you even more flush? But I am feeling that now, the 'I like someone' feeling, so strong, vaguely familiar, but tearingly painful now because I really, really can't do anything much about it this time. I keep making myself up to be a superwoman when actually I am also part girl. I wish I had a grip on myself but I really do like him and I feel almost ashamed to say so.



But I can't do anything about it, I should just let go of the hope and cherish the imagination...



Then again, how often do you meet someone who sings the same song and at the same time to the same phrase as you are when you meet him? Not as romantic as such, mine is, but then my attraction to him is the un-romanticised version, just one towards someone who is so precious to me that I would be broken, broken, if he were really never mine again.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

To make a prairie (1755)

Emily Dickinson





To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee,

One clover, and a bee.

And revery.

The revery alone will do,

If bees are few.







How come I feel happy alone? I have always wanted a soulmate and companion, but today I realise that I am more than surviving; living, without one. Maybe I have truly learnt to love me. Maybe, my destiny is more important, and so I shelve soulmating.



I think also, it could be, that it would take more than before to slip me up to fall in love again, over that cliff into fields of flowers. I mean, it was explosive, before, I have never written like that till I loved, obsessed, so much.



"I almost forgot

The shot of high that only

Comes with an extreme

—"



That was how much, how much. I can't believe I wasted it, now it has to come even harder and more extremely, for me to want him, someone, again. So difficult. Revery will do for me. There was but one bee and now he's gone away. He may never need me this clover but he could jolly well find another. Sunflower perhaps?











The CLOD & the PEBBLE by William Blake





02 Love seeketh not Itself to please,

03 Nor for itself hath any care;

04 But for another gives its ease.

05 And builds a Heaven in Hells despair.





06 So sang a little Clod of Clay,

07 Trodden with the cattles feet:

08 But a Pebble of the brook,

09 Warbled out these metres meet.





10 Love seeketh only Self to please,

11 To bind another to its delight:

12 Joys in anothers loss of ease,

13 And builds a Hell in Heavens despite.





I stared myself in the mirror of this and saw a pebble, pretty and selfish.



I loved to possess and keep for the rest of my life that I might have bliss.



Mid-morning sunshine, and away from here.



Listening is a struggle to me and learning to do it was and still is an upward climb. I can't believe how un-instinctive it is for me; I have no big capacity to love whatsoever.



But I started somewhere and my selfish love is still now a memory. I have no desire to resurrect the object of my love to make it unselfish even.



Because of this I have become happy.



Now the only thing that sucks is my job at the bank...



Sunday, March 14, 2004

Genesis 8:22



"As long as the earth endures,

seedtime and harvest,

cold and heat,

summer and winter,

day and night

will never cease."



Do you know how fair God is? As long as you sow, you will reap. Destruction unto destruction, character unto trust, prospecting unto sales, investment unto returns. The fruit will tell what seed you have planted.



This is the way this universe works whether you want it to or not.



What you sow, you will reap. I'm glad my character brings me rewards, it only glorifies God and his truth even more and I'm proud.



I'm trying to plant the right seed where I can, I hope I will continually get better at this agricultural law of seed time and harvest.



Monday, March 8, 2004

stars

I was telling this boy called Han that I have lacked the inspiration for poetry in a while.

My poetry used to be written by my love for H, my love for God, my destiny. Could it be I need to fall in love with my God much much more now, to fill these pages of my blog?


I love this poem of mine. I called it Stars.


I saw the stars tonight
Inheritance—we conquered earth
My children in the sky
As many as are, mine
More too

I saw the beach that evening
Beyond which sea touched sky
Starfish Project.
‘It mattered to that one.’
But I know more
and so do they:
He gave me a possibility to rescue them all
—he had the same grand dream.

My inheritance, my dream
What more, this earth contains?
Love and love. For me
Two is better to make life
3 will make dreams
Turn to reality before us.
It has been a bit depressing for viewing pleasure.





I think it would be useful to have some physical description of things instead.



I'm listening to world music, jazz and classic 1970s music on Gold 90 FM now. Its great listening to such idyllic sounds that make-believe for me, while its raining and I'm here in my flat with myself.



Karen Carpenter sings such beautiful lyrics.



I wanted to go swimming so that I could think underwater, at a condo pool near my place. But it's raining, so what I did was eat a bowl of Thai-Malay beef noodles in Clementi.



By the way, Shu Uemura has a wonder cleanser! It's great!

Sunday, March 7, 2004

If you starve anything long enough, it will shut down.



This is from Wally Lamb's "I Know This Much Is True".



If you imprison anyone, no matter how much that person loves you, he will have to save himself and get out.



Makes sense to me. I'm sorry H.



Thursday, March 4, 2004

Enid said, "You should always blog for yourself, first."



Okay.



This all starts with a story. Scroll down. I'm inviting you to read a very small part of it.



It's really a small part. I'm not telling to the world, to side with me, or to claim injustice, forbid!



But to share words in woven beauty, all motivated by love.



I will write like that again soon. I've been stocking up you see, on loving me.



I'll tell you more next time.



--Keep a lookout! (",)



Friday, March 5 2004



My relationship with Huanjie ended last December.



Some people know it from me as in a 'permanent KIV position' and that's true too.



Do we have a loyal fan following? Sorry about that. I really am. I didn't expect H and I to go this route.



But if you read the poem called Dilemma, maybe you will get some understanding. I hope you do. And perhaps tell me so I can feel it clearer. I wrote Dilemma while we were still one, so it has dual understanding for me now, when I re-read it again.



Tell me okay?