today's activity log

Every activity of every one of my days requires effort more than should be necessary. There are some things I find myself unable to do, having to coax myself out of the stress of having to do something, and that itself takes up a lot of time.

So I am going to try and congratulate myself on small activities I manage to get myself to do. This is what I have done so far this morning:

Activity

This morning I managed to make myself a cup of coffee when I woke up.

Outcome

The coffee was nice and it took me less energy than it had for the past couple of days. I managed to make it without having to hesitate or lie in bed to psyche myself up for it. It came as second nature.

Activity

I made myself a simple lunch of eggs, ham and bread.

Outcome

It was nice and easy to make, I managed to do it without having to hesitate. But I still cannot bring myself to do the dishes nor clean up afterward. It seems so hard.

Here are the things I plan or need to do for the rest of today, and the stress and pleasure I perceive to gain from them.

Brushing my teeth
- Perceived stress 5/10
- Perceived pleasure 0/10

Taking a shower, includes washing my hair
- Perceived stress 5/10
- Perceived pleasure 0/10

Getting dressed, including skin care and make up
- Perceived stress 7/10
- Perceived pleasure 3/10

Teaching, includes packing bag, taking cab
- Perceived stress 10/10
- Perceived pleasure 5/10

Talking to my students and their parents
- Perceived stress 9/10
- Perceived pleasure 5/10

Hanging the laundry
- Perceived stress 10/10
- Perceived pleasure 0/10


As of now, I feel quite so frozen in place I cannot bring myself to do these things. Even though I have to and time is running out. I don't know how I am going to get through this day successfully.