Abandoned / Death

Abandoned

I have this recurring, alive, nightmare.
Remember San Francisco?
Now think Bangkok.

I keep seeing it. Everywhere
I turn and there's that place.
I asphyxiate.

The detail, the sounds
They are all there
I try to shut them out-!

But they remain and remain
and remain, my heart is so
burdened.

She is so weighed down
By the pain of being lost
And forgotten

I thought, he sang,
How do I really forget?
He sang the same, and promptly
-forgot.

I have been abandoned.
No one will ever find me
and I will never find him again.

______
Death

How indeed can anyone like me
survive this earth, carrying loss and be
happily ever after.

Plath said, he will be the death of me
And he was. I said
'You mean the world to me'

And yet I, after the wondrous affair,
still find death
in all the things that should have remained

alive
the world
mine
mine no longer.

It forced my fingers open
Pried him out of my hands
And then took it all away

I am remains.
My own fault.
Theirs too, but eventually
all mine.

I am no longer
Here but no longer
Death. It almost took me too.

I know one thing surely
That I am born to rise from the ashes
This time, the phoenix

In mourning of the loss I carry
burdened, I cannot forget
I may well never.

That will be the death of me.