Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Privates - Part I



She felt like bringing wine, or ice-cream, over to see him.



If she was given the chance again, she'd want to love him.



In the meantime, she was still mourning for the loss - Lazarus.



Perhaps not tonight. It's raining, and someone's waiting lovingly for her.







Part II



It was for all the wrong reasons. A visit would be most wrongfully unbecoming. How could it be done in a guilt-free manner?



Tears started to form in her aged heart. Aged not by time, but by the ins and outs with her men.



She imagined the scene when, in yet another time, loneliness would occur - because he was leaving. Rucksack on his back, he turned and went.
Friends are the best. They hold you with distance, comfort you when you cry, with or without a shoulder depending on who's present. They sometimes apologise, but most probably without a kiss, unless drunk, then the apology is irrelevant anyway. They last a lifetime like marriage does. In fact sometimes every other connection seems bleak compared to the friendship. You can stay together with friends, you can even sleep with them, pun both intended and not, and there mustn't be strings attached, and you both mustn't have someone to go home to. Otherwise you'll destroy two or three friendships all at once. And friends are the best. Friends expect less of you, yet they support you, and show you the vision you chose, in case you forget or are momentarily blinded by situations. Just like your other half does, only thing is that most other halves, well they tend to be higher on the expectation scale, if my experience is right. I love my friends. I hope that I will marry a best friend and live rather happily with him. Do I wait for that opportunity now, or should I perhaps lower my hopes a little? Every other connection seems bleak.
When your heart tells you no.



No no no no nonono..



Thursday, December 9, 2004

Sometimes I wish I never lost him.

He was the greatest love after Jesus

Totally selfish of me, nothing godly

Far from 1 Corinthians 13 love..



I got that now, that kind of love

Yet somehow something still

seems missing, I don't know where

-



I lost him by accident and on purpose

He still appears in my dreams and

O of course in my reality

But it wasn't proper love

- it feels like a loss.



I called it off within me

when I knew that

I would never be of value

to my love

I would always be second best

I would always come after

the rest of everything in his life



I wish I never lost him

I would remain unhappily married

Unhappily in love

Continually torn in pieces by it



Till today.



(Note: As children, we never want what's really good for us. Reasoning like a child. Cf. 1 Corinthians 13:11)