Wednesday, March 24, 2010

interactive literature

The best I have had lately of contact with literature is through teaching it. That, and watching TV dramas; script writers really don't get enough credit for some of the incredible material that is being spewed by actors.

I find myself abandoning my reading projects, books left turned over to the last read page until they collect dust. I seem to lately prefer interactive literature through talking and listening to words, rather than to read and write them. My most enjoyable moments now are spent lying in bed using my netbook, all day and all night if I could, unless I have to clean the house, care or advocate for kittens or teach my students.

I hope tomorrow's student will bring me a list of poems that he will be doing in school, I need to be inspired, interactively.

Monday, March 22, 2010

object or person

Baby - object or person?

The answer is: object. Babies, like animals, are transitory objects. They help us grow, they help us learn to deal with people better.

When babies unfortunately grow up, they become persons.

Until then, they are children, which are monsters.

I hate most children. They give me a headache, make me angry, and are often raised by horrible humans that should have been sterilised and not allowed to procreate. Children are not innocent though, even though they say it's always the parents' faults. I think that monsters have no conscience, and children don't either. They are born without a conscience.

Just like animals.

But at least with animals, they deserve protection.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

My central nervous system is going into fight-or-flight response mode again, and this time I don't know why, at all. It was a perfectly beautiful morning today - clear skies with white clouds instead of grey. The house is clean from J's cleaning up over the weekend. But I feel like my heart has been tied to a stone and thrown into the ocean while it is still in my ribcage, in my body. The tension that is my chest is making me so physiologically exhausted I can barely feel the blood coursing through the veins of my body. My fingers feel like feathers, numb and weightless.

Saturday, March 13, 2010


My new tenants move in on Tuesday. I need to get a plumber to fix their toilet but the plumber has been delaying for a long time and he needs to come by tomorrow otherwise the tenants have no toilet to use. It is awfully stressful. Cheap things don't come easy - this plumber is getting us a second-hand WC which is far better than the old HDB plastic ones. Every day this plumber doesn't arrive I am more stressed.

Andy is having a hard time replacing the lamp in the room for let because we don't have the original screws and had to get new ones that are really hard to screw in.

That and I still have to clean up the second-hand bed we got them and the curtains to wash for them.

I am almost so jittery with stress that I can barely type.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

too much work

Almost everyone complains of too much work and too little money. To solve the money problem, work more, right? But I can't.

I found myself feeling half-dead yesterday evening after just teaching one lesson, which solves the dilemma - better to have not too much work and very little money, than to have to work more and die horribly.

I went to bed at about 8pm. Wanted to sleep till it was next day noon, but ended up waking in the middle of the night. It must be the Panadol Extra with all that caffeine inside. And now, early morning, I am still stone cold awake from those pills.

I felt so exhausted yesterday after teaching that I literally felt I was going to die. In the middle of the night when I awoke I coughed myself like mad because the haze was getting in the house. I felt my lungs collapsing, until I sealed up the whole house closing all the windows. And I still have the dizzy-headache I had last night which made me go to bed right after dinner. I want to fall asleep again soon to sleep away the dizziness.

Too much work? I am just weak.