sometimes i hate a showdown

i'd like to avoid conflict as far as possible

-

(next time)



i know i'm irritatingly annoying and

hard to bear with

at quarter-cen i've already chocked up

quite a few cockups



but it's okay i know

how to be an angel?

i can't and i won't be,

so this is me, take it real



reading my history

letters, icq, diaries, blog

i'm sick to the core

that i was once so hated.



what if i fuckup again

I can't afford to waste any more

lives, human, time, me, love

sometimes wonder if this is final



jsitpwmgms gibberish gibberish

...

misalignment, confusion of the

important things in life

my calling, my soulmate, my passions,

the pleasure i oughta have in life



what rubbish

How should he be my best friend if all I speak about is my other best friend, wouldn't jealousy occur

But no it didn't go too badly and it gels us both so tightly together it is more important than the tangible intimacy many are familiar with already

(The average no. of sexual partners Singaporeans have is 5.8)

If I could I would make sense of this silly madness that is coupling and love and all.

But it is something good that which part of it eludes me sometimes, and frustrates me so.

I wish I wish that I could just home in on one thing,

I will and it is hard, because it will not be about me at all

I am the only one to blame for this. (See below).

Sad dreams, leave me by myself and I'm drenched in the rain of sadness..

Wish I could be by myself wish I could be happy

But I'm being obstinate with my own wishes

I think,

I have the dark side of a drug addict or alcoholic, someone constantly wanting to be in stupor, wanting to be intoxicated, wanting to indirectly damage myself and find pleasure amongst.

Guilt trappings.



They cause people to sometimes mis-treat the people they love.



Misunderstanding through defensiveness, judgmentalism perceived in every seemingly piercing word.



We should come clean and let go of the burden that weighs us down.