Thursday, August 31, 2006

medical appointment today

Today I am going for my scope to check out if my gastric problems are due to ulcers, cancer, or bacteria. I will be at TTSH at 4pm.

I am not allowed to eat or drink after 7am, and it is past that time now.

I was hoping to not wake up till I had to go to the hospital but instead I awoke early.

I'm afraid it might be sufferable today because I will not be able to eat and therefore my gastric pains will be present alongside the typical gastric headache. I took a painkiller at 4am to pre-empt the pain but it might wear off, I have a headache now anyway.

I already feel like breaking my fast and having a chamomile tea for the headache. It is only half an hour past 7...

Monday, August 28, 2006

All TIME 100 novels

Out of which I have read:

The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe
C.S. Lewis

The Lord of the Rings
J.R.R. Tolkien

On the Road
Jack Kerouac

I have only half-read, the following, shallow that I be:

Animal Farm
George Orwell

Gone With the Wind
Margaret Mitchell

Infinite Jest
David Foster Wallace

Invisible Man
Ralph Ellison

To Kill a Mockingbird
Harper Lee

I might probably read:

The Catcher in the Rye
J.D. Salinger

Midnight's Children
Salman Rushdie

Mrs. Dalloway
Virginia Woolf

Books I think should be in this list:

Gregory David Roberts

The Black Album
Hanif Kureishi

Books I know someone will say should be in this list:

The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Milan Kundera

The World According To Garp
John Irving


I wouldn't know what books you think should be here unless you tell me too.

Friday, August 25, 2006

I am a heroine

Eugene said I have the spirit of a heroine.

Despite him claiming before this bestowing of honour, that he wasn't very good with words and in speaking them to encourage someone else. Hearing him claim so, I even said, 'You must be the silent strong type.'

But he said in his prayer that I have a gift; that I have a heroine spirit, a mind and heart that feels for everybody and feels responsible for everyone. That is probably why shitty behaviour irks me so, why I feel angry at injustice, why I like to speak out angrily for justice. This is a wondrous explanation for my anger; I feel big- and light-headed.

He prayed that my gift will not also become my burden and weakness: I have said before that I get so angry only if I care, that conflict arises everytime only because I care about something, and I know not how to manage these conflicts, save to step away, and not care. I care about everything!

Like even about a lack of clarity in communication as a leader - broken English, or incomplete communication, for example. You can't be a good leader if you cannot first and foremost communicate clearly, your message has a direct influence on everyone around me. I hate lousy leadership, not because I can do it better, but because you are directly responsible for the people I care about. Just thinking about these examples of my anger makes me angry - my heart is pounding -

I will probably go kill some monsters, mark a paper or something.

If I do indeed have the heart of a heroine, then I pray that I discover my gift and how I can become one. As it is, I have enough food in the house to last for about a week or so if war breaks out - hey, it's possible right? I heard three monster fighter planes over my house a few days ago, so loud I thought I was war. And maybe I need to buy some face masks, and some Tamiflu, in case I need to become a mini-dispensary in a pandemic. And maybe learn some more languages for use in overseas missions, such as Burmese - communication is everything ain't it. I want to be someone who speaks to inspire and convict the human heart of many things far more important than ourselves.

Anyone needs saving?

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


I haven't really been around because, I decided to try and score boyfriend rep (reputation) by playing WoW (World of Warcraft). Yes I am sheepish.

If you play, my char is Averlorn, on Shadowmoon, Horde.

I hardly feel I could become as fanatic as C, he is standing 4 on his server's PvP rankings. And although it is probably sacrilege to say so, it is only a game to me, so no I will not become someone who takes leave to play on the battlegrounds.

But I have been taking away time from writing to play the game these few days, so here I am with an explanation, however illegitimate it may be a reason. I promise I will still be around, and back for more.

My week in real life: I will be busy with the usual work, and this Saturday I will be going out to Loof again for Irwin's birthday. I have been watching anime with C in between his games, lately we have been mad about Shakugan no Shana. It is really good, almost better than Bleach I must say, with more intricate serious emo moments too.

A couple of thanks I have to say: Thanks DW for quoting me on Amongst Other Things, Sibeh Sian for saying I had a nice ponytail. I feel so loved!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

article on insurers

This CNA article seems like such an opinion skewed in the favour of NTUC Income.

NTUC Income has always been known for many years to be slow in processing medical claims. The article angles the problem in such a way that it seems like this problem has only been existent lately.

"The delay in handling claims on our side is partly due to the fact that we are introducing a new computer system and that is not up and running yet. (Secondly), it's due to the integration of claims handling with the Health Ministry. By October, we expect to be able to process our claims within 7 days, when the system is up to speed," said Stanley Jeremiah, GM (Life) at NTUC Income.

I think a new computer system should not have to take years for an organisation to accomodate. This is not a valid answer, unless we are talking about a recent spike in inefficiency. The main problem then should be, as claimed, the problem of integration of claims with the Health Ministry, which obviously makes things more troublesome, less straightforward. If you are affiliated to the government, of course you will have more problems: government agencies are inefficient, that is well-known and true.

But that is no excuse either. When talking about medical claims, the key is not about the Letter of Guarantee that NTUC boasts of giving, it is about service. And in this case, service to people who are in distress. When you are in the midst of dealing with ill health, perhaps on the brink of dying, or dealing with it as a family for a loved one, the last thing you would be capacitated to handle, is unnecessary stress coming from incompetent insurers. If the service was good, letter or no, then why are there still so many people out there complaining about NTUC being a shit-load of claims-inefficiency, and so many regrets having bought from them in the first place?

The effect of regrets is another layer of stress: cognitive dissonance, they say. Some of my ex-clients have told me, that they thought the government agency should be the most reliable. Of course now they know they have been naive, but that does not help the feeling that they have put money into a policy which gives you shit, when there are better insurers out there.

The way NTUC has expressed themselves, seems to tell me that as long as I have props to give some semblance of efficiency, this means service. But that is bullshit. Service is about people. It is about finding a need and meeting it. It is about being passionate about people. I would never dare offer myself to be served by a cold organisation that talks about props and compares their props with other companies, my toys are bigger than yours. It is like having the doctor with the better certs but with terrible bedside manners.

Well now you know, my humble regrets if you are under NTUC Income. Prove me otherwise if you have experienced contrary, remarkable service, because I haven't yet heard any accounts of that. And if you haven't yet found someone to pay your medical bills, then you should, and caveat emptor.

Insurance is a tricky matter and no one insurer has all the best policies under one roof. My medical insurance is offered by Manulife (unfortunately not one of the top three in processing claims). But it is the only medical insurance policy that pays all your medical bills, not just a portion (co-insurance and deductible). That is a big deal to me; I probably will not be able to afford even a portion of a serious medical expense. Plus I have worldwide emergency evacuation, which is important for me, since I might be in the mountains or jungles of Thailand or some Asian country. So different people have different needs, this is mine and I have chosen Manucare.

Back to the CNA article: I think that the article is more a publicity stunt pulled on behalf of NTUC and it is a disappointment to see CNA doing this, the press is so slight and dense and I thought switching from Straits Times to CNA years ago would give me more balanced opinions and factual news, but no. Talk about validity. I feel like I am entering a Truman's world.

cheeks, specs and ponytail

Sibeh Sian likes girls who have chubby cheeks, are bespectacled and have a swishing pony tail:

elaine's four-teeth look

Chubby means fat-face.

longsighted and proud of it

My specs, which I still wear when I cannot see so well or when I need to look important.


I used to have a swishing ponytail. I firmly believe all girls with long hair should tie them up to unless you are going for the help-me-I-am-a-girl look. In that case, I will succumb and help you, every alpha loves a damsel in distress.

Monday, August 14, 2006


I finally went and joined the Personal MBA site so I can participate in discussions. I hate to come across as sounding elite but it has become so critical that I can find someone to bounce management thoughts off through writing, and I am so cooped up with them thoughts now that I might explode if I didn't do something about it.

I find that I learn best through writing. Not reading, listening, doing, or talking. This revelation of my learning style is my application of what I have learnt from reading Drucker, about knowing how you learn. I get things done through writing them out. They may come out in a mess at first, and I have to bear with it, but in the end I do come out with something meaningful, at least I believe so. I think this knowledge of how I learn also resonates with how I think: in words, arranged into sentences and phrases, and in bullet points. I think I am a monster; who thinks like that?

While I am in the process of writing out a plan or a task of a system, my mind is in confusion, like it is now. I just hope writing what I just did here, helps, and so will sites like the one I have joined.

Sunday, August 13, 2006


8/14/2006 2:59:45 AM

I am a horrible person. I think about the filth that I have in hand, and I feel disgusted by it. No matter how hard we try, we all invariably get filth on our hands, and that is the stain of being human. All man have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

I find my ways of conflict management varied and largely flawed. Swinging between extremes: at times, I absolve myself from caring about things too much, just so that my opinion will not exist and will not get in the way. I stay low, and detach. I avoid tricky situations. It helps, until I start to care about me, you or anyone else. That is when I feel when no one gets my point and I move into the umbral darkness of my anger. I feel slighted and short-changed as all angry people do, and I hardly accept anything incoming.

This is the critical problem with my conflict management: I fear conflict so much I hardly know how to handle it when it happens. It explodes in my face, and all I can think of is that I have tried so hard to make you happy / keep the peace / do the right things (and avoid the wrong ones), and I don't deserve this. I hate to rant, but at the point where conflict occurs, all I can hear is my own voice in my head saying 'Why doesn't anyone get what I am saying?' and true enough, no one really does. No one. And so I repeat myself a million times till someone, the same someone or another or another, gets what I am saying and says, yeah. Until then I am alone, and nobody understands my point of view.

But there isn't always a someone who will hear me out and say yeah, and I fear that I am poisoning minds with my negativity, so in many things I don't rant. In many fields in my life I am alone, I have no yeah-people in those fields.

I haven't gotten a solution. If I don't care, I won't be angry. But if I care, I will not listen if you disagree after I have tried my best. Where is the balance?

(I will have to figure it out soon.)

Thursday, August 10, 2006

my death

Time has passed, work has come, and so has illness.

I think a lot about death. I wonder if every conversation-ending sentence I say to someone I love - my parents, C - will be the last one before I go. I rest assured when it is a 'take care' or an 'I love you' before goodbye.

I think so often about my dying, as is my natural instinct to think about possible worst-case scenarios, and visualise myself overcoming them. I often practise clenching my fists for a fight, if I were to be attacked, while I am walking down the street at night. It has never happened, but I visualise the process of me fighting someone, just so that if it really happens, it will be deja vu instead of shock. I think about me living in horrible conditions, and simultaneously thank God for simple things like the toilet bowl I have now, instead of an open latrine or toilet-with-a-hole-in-the-ground. But I would be able to brace myself to use them, as I have before, and I visualise myself in such surroundings, with my Chaco sandals and all that from my inevitable urbane upbringing, and suddenly it doesn't seem as bad, really. As what my psychologist friends would say, visualisation helps. So I also think about dying.

I wonder it is really time for me to go, and analyse the evidence, for example the things I have done and what I will leave behind in terms of a legacy. But we know we cannot second-guess these things, people always go too soon. I think about how I will go, maybe on an operating table where doctors are trying to fix my bleeding ulcer.

That is too gory, but yeah I have had flashes of those thoughts.

My stomach has been hurting more, with more than my usual symptoms of a gastric problem. I usually get gastric pains and headaches, the worst of the pain goes away with Tramadol and panadol and at one point, Arcoxia. Lately I have been getting stomach cramps and diarrhoea, bloatedness, and acid reflux. It could be a million things - bacteria, ulcers, cancer - and I am going to get a scope to find out which of these three. I just hope I have enough money for all that.

It scares me further when I think about my insurance: gastric problems are excluded from one of my medical plans because I bought it after I had exhibited symptoms, in 2003, just one of the worse years of my life. All I have that covers me properly is Medishield, and I hope it has not lapsed because I have so little in my CPF. Being poor sucks.

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

twin kittens

Aiyo these lynx kitten twins are so cute! Read the whole article on them here.

which sportscar are you?

I'm a Dodge Viper!

You're all about raw power. You're tough, you're loud, and you don't take crap from anyone. Leave finesse to the other cars, the ones eating your dust.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

join bookmooch!

Thanks Billy!

This is a site where you can exchange books with other people (permanently) without having to pay for anything except postage. Books that you offer to give away, and actually do, gives you points which you can use to ask for books from other readers to be sent to you. This means almost-free books! This is great for people like me, who will probably never make it to the flea market / second-hand bookstore to get rid of the books I no longer want to horde.

I managed to put up only eight books. These are books which I think are not worth hording to future reads, nor flaunting to show that I am well-read. These amount to eight books, at present not enough to gain any books till someone actually requests to mooch any of mine.

Go scour your bookshelf and join now!

Monday, August 7, 2006

wah... there is no such man lor

I got myself indirectly influenced by reader Joseph who did this personality and compatibility test, don't try it if you have no time to waste, (I didn't but I didn't know it was that tedious) but it was fun despite. I know now what the man that does not exist, looks like. I tried to put the juicy stuff only, and weeded out the rest, but it is so lengthy: practise skimming.

elaine's Compatibility Profile® Summary
Some of your ideal mate's strongest personality characteristics are:

He likes it when he can do something the right way the first time.
When necessary, he can take charge and organize others.
He likes to keep abreast of what's happening in the world.
He sometimes likes to get out and try new things.
Some important qualities that your ideal partner brings to the relationship are:
He always tries his best to avoid being irritable, even when he isn't feeling his best.
He is always a generous and supportive friend.
He has an appreciation for life's amusing moments, even when they are sometimes at his own expense!
He generally feels that he has a lot to offer the right person.
Important goals and values for your ideal mate in a relationship are:
He needs to be able to share his spiritual beliefs with his partner.
Having a strong relationship with God is a key part of his life.
Personal values are important to him.
He believes in spending some of his time working to make the world a better place.

Social orientation

Vitality and Security:
He believes in working hard to provide stability and security for a family. You can count on him for the important things in life, like kindness, honesty and reliability. He shares a strong belief that financial security is important but doesn't focus on that goal to the exclusion of all else. He values creating a safe, secure relationship and has a good understanding of what it takes to make a relationship work.

Your ideal mate is the kind of person who wants to support you through life's ups and downs. He will be willing to be there for you emotionally, but he may not always know the best way how. You don't need the perfect man, but you will do best with someone who tries to be sensitive to your feelings, even if he isn't always perfectly attuned to your needs.

Some additional details about your ideal mate:

Your ideal mate is probably a bit of a loner. He is probably focused on his own life, and doesn't let other people's misfortunes get him down. Friends might describe him as someone who has bigger things on his mind than helping the homeless or donating to charity. He will appreciate that you are your own person and don't expect him to solve your problems. Your relationship will be based more on mutual respect than a need for emotional support.

You will be best matched with someone who is interested to know all the important things about your past, but is equally if not more interested in experiencing the present and building a future together. You are most compatible with someone who believes that communication is vital in creating a healthy relationship.

Your ideal companion is a man who is good at both expressing his thoughts and feelings and listening to others. He's generally patient and accepting of what people say. Friends and family may describe him as the kind of person who sometimes needs a reminder to avoid talking over someone in a conversation or to realize that not everyone in the room necessarily agrees with what he is saying. However, his heart is always in the right place.

Conflict Resolution:
You'll be happiest in the long run with a man who understands that not all conflicts can be resolved easily, and that sometimes it's important to stand up for what you believe. He's the kind of person who thinks resolving conflict is important, but making peace isn't worth sacrificing his beliefs. If he thinks he's right, he will probably argue his position, even if it means a disagreement is going to get more heated before it gets resolved.

The Extraversion scale assesses how you feel when you are around people.

He is generally able to find something funny in everyday sights, like uptight waiters or rebellious teenagers. He likes to be entertained with humor, such as pithy observations about passersby, jokes or even unintended puns. He's the kind of person who enjoys being around funny people, either because they ignite his own ability to make people laugh, or just because they keep him smiling about life. His friends see him as someone who has a good sense of humor but who also has a serious side when dealing with important issues.

Emotional Energy:
You'll be happiest with a man who's happy with his life, but nonetheless has the occasional urge to shake things up. He appreciates routine in his everyday activities but likes to strike out and do something new and adventurous every now and then. He's happy planning a quiet weekend at home, but might also throw the schedule out the window if friends invite him on a new adventure, like a hiking expedition or a visit to a new jazz bar.

Some additional details about your ideal mate:

Your ideal mate likes to sometimes find new ways to deal with old challenges. He can think up creative solutions to a problem but doesn't discount the tried-and-true answers. You are likely to find it frustrating to deal with someone who can never seem to do something the same way twice, but you also chafe at people who can't accept new approaches to problems when the old solutions have stopped working.

Romantic Passion:
Your ideal mate is a man who likes to focus on the things that he thinks are really important in a relationship, such as having the same values or achieving shared goals. He will enjoy spending quality time together, but "overly romantic" is probably not a good description for him. Friends might describe him as the kind of person who thinks anniversaries and Valentine's Day are somewhat silly.

You are best suited to someone who doesn't take competition to extremes. He is competitive and aggressive when the situation warrants it, such as when vying for a promotion at work or playing football with friends - but generally accepts a loss with grace.

You'll be happiest with a man who likes to spend time with old friends and make new ones. Like you, he might not always be the first to strike up a conversation with a stranger, but he is rarely tongue-tied once a conversation is underway. On some days, he might start a conversation with a complete stranger because he feels chatty. Other days, he would rather be alone or just talk to people he knows well already. At parties, he's the type of person who isn't afraid to venture outside his immediate group of friends and meet new people.

Openness refers to a person's willingness to experience new and creative ideas. People who score low on Openness tend to place a high value on tradition and belonging to a group. People who score high on Openness tend to place a high value on imagination and individualism. Extreme scores on Openness also often distinguish between people who enjoy thinking in symbols and abstractions to people who prefer ideas which are clear and concrete.

Artistic Passion:
You are best suited in many ways to the kind of man who has the soul of an artist. He likely seeks out creative outlets, like writing, painting or singing. He's expressive, imaginative and inventive and probably has a distinct sense of style. He is the sort of person who infuses creativity into his surroundings by doing things like adding a few distinctive pieces of art to his home instead of cookie-cutter furniture.

You will be best matched with a man who is eager to find out more about things that interest him. He likes to learn about the world by trying new things, like exotic foods, a far-flung vacation destination or conversations with people from other cultures.

Your ideal mate is knowledgeable and well-read. He values education but isn't consumed by it. He's not the type to do research that would rival a Ph.D. dissertation to decide what to do when a life decision needs to be made, but he probably wouldn't resort to throwing a dart into the Yellow Pages either.


Sexual Passion:
You'll be most fulfilled by the kind of man who believes sex is an important part of a great relationship, but not the only part. He is looking for physical chemistry with a woman, the kind of spark that comes from genuine romantic attraction. However, he also appreciates that there is more to a "real relationship" than sex.

You are most compatible with a man who takes pride in his looks but isn't defined by them. He believes that things like working out and buying new clothes regularly help him put his best foot forward in social settings. Friends describe him as someone who might put forth extra effort for a special occasion but who won't spend every moment worrying about how he looks. He will appreciate your appearance, but doesn't value looks above all else.

Physical Energy:
You are best suited to someone who likes to stay active, but also enjoys spending quiet time at home. You are most compatible with someone who makes staying healthy and exercising a normal part of their life, but also enjoys kicking back and relaxing when the time is right. Friends probably describe him as someone who enjoys getting his heart rate up but who's also content to spend a Sunday afternoon on the couch watching football or a favorite movie on TV.

Goal orientation
Goal Orientation refers to the drive to plan for the future versus the urge to live in the moment.

Your ideal mate is accomplished academically, but he doesn't overemphasize it. During his school years, he was the type of person who balanced studying with things like extracurricular activities, working or spending time with friends. He wants to have an intellectual connection with his partner, but he's also able to appreciate other things about her, like kindness, character or sense of humor.

You will be happiest with a man who wants to be successful but won't let it compromise all aspects of his life. He sets personal goals and wants to live up to his potential and advance his career. He generally does not judge himself by what others think, but he might sometimes measure his success by things like having the right car or a prestigious job. He generally considers things like family, friends and time to himself more important than achievements.

Some additional details about your ideal mate:

You are most compatible with someone who works hard at the office or jobsite, but avoids bringing too much stress and worry home. He likes to stay busy, but doesn't feel the need to fill every moment of every day with some task or chore. He's generally efficient, persistent and productive, but doesn't obsess over making lists of things to do or accomplish. He will appreciate your work ethic and your ability to enjoy the relaxation of downtime as well.

Your ideal mate is probably more interested in having fun and enjoying the "here and now" rather than constantly making extensive plans for how to get the most out of the future. He likes being organized enough to know where he's going and what he's doing on a given day, but planning every last detail of something like a camping trip or a visit to a new city would, frankly, take some of the fun out of the adventure as far as he's concerned.

Your ideal match is someone who is self-assured and well-adjusted. When necessary, he can accept constructive criticism and doesn't feel the need to "kill the messenger." Because he is confident of his own worth, he rarely gets overly defensive. Other people see him as someone who knows his strengths but who doesn't turn a blind eye to his weaknesses.

Anger Management:
Your ideal mate generally won't strike back when someone is mad at him. He's patient and does his best to avoid reacting in a way that'll add fuel to the fire. He's the kind of person who will probably understand if you lose your temper on occasion as long as you don't take it to extremes.

Some additional details about your ideal mate:

Emotional Status:
You are best suited to a man who is generally happy and hopeful about what life has to offer. There may be parts of his life he'd like to improve, but he generally has faith that he'll attain his goals. When faced with conflict at work or at home, he rarely overreacts or feels out of control. Friends see him as someone who tries to focus on the positive in good times and bad.

Your ideal mate is someone who isn't afraid to voice his opinion and appreciates the fact that you do the same. He won't be surprised if you disagree with him or argue your position. Like you, he may get irritated easily when others disagree with his perspective. However, the two of you will be able to appreciate each other's commitment to being honest rather than "politically correct," and share emphasis on substance over style.

Mood Management:
You will be most satisfied with a man who will be able to understand if you sometimes take your grouchiness out on him. Friends and family may know him as someone who has gone through more than his own share of low times himself. He'll understand and be supportive if sometimes your mood seems all-consuming and that you need someone to just sit with you and listen.


Your ideal mate is someone whose religious community is an important part of his life. He probably attends services regularly, not just on holidays or for weddings or funerals. He will likely expect his partner to be part of the same type of faith community.

Your ideal mate is a man who has a strong moral compass, but does not necessarily believe that everything done in the name of church or country in our society is correct. He has strong values, but is also an independent thinker. Traditional gender roles and censorship generally strike him as wrong, but so may many of the more extreme liberal attitudes exhibited in pop culture.

Some additional details about your ideal mate:

Family goals:
Your ideal mate is someone who loves children and wants them to play a significant role in his life. He thinks family is important and is willing to commit his life to having children of his own.

Your ideal mate is the kind of person who cares about helping strangers but who might not spend a lot of his time doing so. He is someone who generally takes care of his friends when they're in need and who might feel a pang of guilt when he doesn't reach out to assist strangers. Others see him as someone who, with a little encouragement, will join efforts to help, whether it's a canned food drive or a charity fundraiser.

Family Background:
Your ideal mate has a good relationship with his family, but it's not perfect. They enjoy talking or spending time together but do have occasional conflict, and there could be certain disagreements that have never been resolved.

Personality Profile

You have a natural enthusiasm for the activities you prefer. Because of your enthusiasm, you may forget that others have different wants and needs.
Your primary social strategy is making things happen and happen now. Usually very active, you thrive on challenge. When the going gets tough, you get going.
Each person has a unique way of communicating. We use a combination of body language, facial expression, verbal tone and word choice to share ourselves with others. The following statements offer a look at the natural behavior you bring to an interpersonal relationship.
Not having a climate of challenges and competition may cause you to create such a climate. You perform best under pressure, and may assume that others want the same...your assumption is not always true.
You are active in the things you do and in your communication. Your rapid mental activity becomes apparent when, rather than listening to others, you will be thinking of what you might say next.
Your high ego traits coupled with impatience may have others read you as arrogant at times. This is only appreciated by others when they understand that you need quick results, challenges and competition.
You will take issue and not shy away from confrontation when others disagree with how you feel or think.
In social situations, you prefer variety, adventure and the unusual. You may lose interest if you feel a situation is becoming routine. As a result, you must be kept busy and involved with making things happen.
You have a high interest in the new, the unusual and the adventurous. You may also be curious and have a wide range of interests, preferring an ever-changing environment.
You love challenges and competition. Those who know you may consider you to be a high risk-taker.
You love challenges and competition. At the same time, you must realize and appreciate that others may not share your zest for challenges and competition.

Following are some of the specific strengths and/or personal characteristics that you bring to a relationship. These may form the foundations of many of your friendships and dealings with other people.

You are usually enthusiastic about activities and planning.
You have an excellent sense of humor and tend to see humor in events spontaneously.
You generally dislike the "status quo," and are exhilarating to be around.
You are optimistic and tend to make others feel good about themselves.
You are skilled at finding "win-win" solutions when conflicts arise.
You often come up with creative solutions when faced with common problems.
You are very good at communicating with others and seeing their point of view.
You like to initiate new activities.
You like to take action and see that things get done.
You tend to enjoy life and share that enjoyment with others.
You often have innovative ideas.
You meet new people easily and are good at making them feel welcome.

In general, human beings are defined by their needs and individuals by their wants. Your emotional wants are especially important when establishing with whom you are compatible. While answering the Relationship Questionnaire you established a pattern of basic, subconscious wants. This section of the report was produced by analyzing those patterns. Our wants change as we mature and obtain our life goals. You may find it valuable to revisit this section periodically to see how your wants have changed

You may want:

Others to behave with the same sense of urgency.
Many activities, so there is never a dull moment.
Others to "catch up" to your speed of doing things.
Others to work and play as hard as you do.
Freedom from many rules and regulations and the ability to write your own rules.
No close supervision--you don't want people to hang over your shoulder.
An outlet to vent your emotions frequently.
Exposure and recognition by those who really appreciate your results and achievements.

Thanks for staying and skimming till here.

Sunday, August 6, 2006


Sunday is always blog-quiet night. I have nothing much to read online, and coupled with the fact that C goes home on Sunday nights from my house, it gets lonely. I don't have any severe Sunday-to-Monday blues - unless Monday is a big day at a client's, but the quiet blogosphere in a quiet house makes a Sunday night too quiet for good health.

The light in my room is out. C says the capacitor is out of order - whatever a capacitor may be - and the bulb itself is also no longer working. I have to go get another bulb tomorrow. I hate these things.

I need to get Elvis to come and service my air-cons, but I have had no time over the last week, and the house is too much in a mess to invite anyone over. My mom says that if you keep your house super-clean when a contractor comes over, he won't make it as messy when he works on the lights-pipes-aircons etc. in the house, as he would in an already-dirty house. I agree. Also, and this is my theory: have drinks handy, happy contractors are filled with cold liquids on the many hot days of their life. Happy contractors make for satisfied customers. Unless of course, they are the ones who pilfer beer from you by outrightly asking for it when they peer into the fridge, which is what they did to Jan when they came to fix the shelf in her room when she was staying with me.

I need to pay bills again. My electricity bills are way over the top pricey now, because of the aircons, and the fuel price increase. I was speaking to a taxi driver that day, who insisted that I should pay my HDB instalments as far as I can, because "gahmen's money, cannot owe one," and he says he eats two dishes with his economic rice for lunch nowadays, so that can save more money. I guess when my income level is currently close to that of a taxi driver's, I had better take his advice.

I had a dream that someone completely unfamiliar in real life, said to me during a gathering similar to a cell group meeting, that I should eat less because it was obvious that I was fat especially around my bulging tummy. I regularly dream about being fat and the like, after an affirmed discovery of fat around specific body parts. Last night, I grabbed my tummy fat and said aloud, that it was the size of ten ping pong balls, or a kids-size soccer ball. And C said, "I think you should exercise." Hence the dream. I had a similar dream about my thighs once, years back, when I first discovered cellulite on my thighs. In real life before the dream, I called H after my discovery and asked him: "Do you like my thighs? I have cellulite!" And he replied: "You have cellulite, but I like your thighs." Which was the sweetest answer a man could give to a girl when faced with the "Am I fat?" genre of questions. Yet, I still dreamt about my fat thighs. Anyway, will resume my crunches later. I haven't done any exercise this whole week.

I find that having books to read, helps me go to bed earlier. Because of the fact that I need not have to park myself in front of my lousy CRT monitor to view my feeds, instead, I can read in bed (or for tonight, in the lounge since my room light is out), and I shut down the computer much earlier in the night. So much for free reads, books are still the best. Unless of course, I have a functioning laptop.

Which brings me to the end of the lonely Sunday night.

(C is at home doing his work as well as playing WOW as usual, and being a caveman, as all men need to be every once in a while. Caving makes for happy men and thus, happy me.)

stomach pain

Yesterday, after dinner, I had a harrowing experience involving pain and my tummy. At first, I felt bloated, and before sleeping, I decided that too much bloating meant digestive issues at hand that needed to be solved, with Omeprazole. Which I downed, and went to lie down, as early as I could.

Subsequently, the bloatedness changed to pain - cramps that bordered on the kind you get with diarrheoa, or IBS, or related. It hurt so much, I kept thinking - lacerations, for some reason. Because my stomach felt like there were cuts inside. I went to the toilet, and subsequently took a Tramadol, which is meant for severe pain, an opiate for pain-relief without any damage to the stomach lining. It helped lull me to sleep, one of the wonders of sedatives.

In the end I had to go to the loo another two times, once at one a.m, and another time at six a.m. This sounds gross, but I stared inside the toilet bowl thereafter, to determine if I was really bleeding inside. There were streaks of darker brown, but I still couldn't be sure unless I went for one of those kinky ass-swipes.

I went to sleep again, and for a long time, still heavily sedated by the Tramadol. When I awoke, I took another Omeprazole, and had to go to the loo again. I prayed hard, although my mind was fuzzy and my throat was dry, I mimed the lyrics to a worship song I composed years back.

And then, the pain was gone. Thank You God.

At first instance when I awoke, I asked C if we could just have our lunch downstairs, because I felt too weak and in pain, despite the Tramadol, to go anywhere further than Ubi for lunch. After I went to the loo and prayed I felt so much better, so we managed to go further than home for lunch.

We had Hoe Nam Prawn Noodle for our rather late lunch, at about three in the afternoon. Yum. Best in Singapore. And near home enough too.

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

on writer's moments

I haven't written much lately here, and I am sorry for it. To be honest, I don't really know why exactly. For strange reasons, regular coffee and cat moments no longer stir me to write, perhaps because I read much of these kinds of moments on other sites, then they become trite, and I hate to be part of the trite-production.

So I need to write about other things, but they are rarer, these other things.

All I can think of, is telling you about myself.

Or of writing something serious that no one will want to read unless I force it upon them.

Else I write secrets in my Journal, and then I decide to hide it, because they are scarring secrets, for the reader not for me.

I am sorry, the twenty of you who come by almost everyday to check on me. This is a silent Avalon.

I will try again soon. To find more writer's moments actually worth writing about. They are always there, these writer's moments, but I deem most of them to be of so little worth I am bound to hardly even try.

Till now, at least these are words, a quickie for the reading whore.