Eugene said I have the spirit of a heroine.
Despite him claiming before this bestowing of honour, that he wasn't very good with words and in speaking them to encourage someone else. Hearing him claim so, I even said, 'You must be the silent strong type.'
But he said in his prayer that I have a gift; that I have a heroine spirit, a mind and heart that feels for everybody and feels responsible for everyone. That is probably why shitty behaviour irks me so, why I feel angry at injustice, why I like to speak out angrily for justice. This is a wondrous explanation for my anger; I feel big- and light-headed.
He prayed that my gift will not also become my burden and weakness: I have said before that I get so angry only if I care, that conflict arises everytime only because I care about something, and I know not how to manage these conflicts, save to step away, and not care. I care about everything!
Like even about a lack of clarity in communication as a leader - broken English, or incomplete communication, for example. You can't be a good leader if you cannot first and foremost communicate clearly, your message has a direct influence on everyone around me. I hate lousy leadership, not because I can do it better, but because you are directly responsible for the people I care about. Just thinking about these examples of my anger makes me angry - my heart is pounding -
I will probably go kill some monsters, mark a paper or something.
If I do indeed have the heart of a heroine, then I pray that I discover my gift and how I can become one. As it is, I have enough food in the house to last for about a week or so if war breaks out - hey, it's possible right? I heard three monster fighter planes over my house a few days ago, so loud I thought I was war. And maybe I need to buy some face masks, and some Tamiflu, in case I need to become a mini-dispensary in a pandemic. And maybe learn some more languages for use in overseas missions, such as Burmese - communication is everything ain't it. I want to be someone who speaks to inspire and convict the human heart of many things far more important than ourselves.
Anyone needs saving?
Great. I happen to need some rescuing for my study loan :)
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