real

I love you God

church service tires me
like you say in your word:
Try my mind and my heart.

I am tried and dried

You say, let go
of making decisions
give them to you

I love you so much

so why does being
in your house
cut me open

face me to face
my darkness and pain
because you say you see
my darkness and pain

doctor says:
live normally
people say:
don't think you're sick

You say:
I am not giving up on you

I put aside my wanting to die
You bring me face to face
and say
You are not giving up on me

with my wanting to die
as our under-torrential
understanding of who I am now

it is as if
you are saying

you are right
you have never been happy
all twenty-eight years
of your life
you really do feel
like ending it all
and leaving
you really are sick
with this horrible darkness

- but I am not giving up on you,
so don't give up on yourself.