simple

When your brain's cognitive functioning slows down, you stop thinking so much because it is not all that possible to anyway. Things become uncomplicated, by design, or by compulsion; smallish, so that you can take them in without intellectually barfing. I wonder if I have become thus dumbed-down, just so I can think in an uncomplicated fashion. Just simply.

I no longer need to come up with multi-dimensional grand plans to rid myself of the sadness of the world. I just need to let happy come to me. And so it does.

Happy felt awkward to me at first. It came in bouts of serotonin-fuelled uncontrolled laughter, many times louder than the loud E you already know. It felt strange, to not be sad, not feel merely neutral, but a completely other emotion altogether. Then I came to recognise it as being happy. I have never felt this way in my entire life, until now.

Happy is not an everyday phenomenon. Now that I know how it feels like, I know when it is present, and when it simply does not reside. It doesn't matter that being happy is not a daily emotion, because at least, sadness no longer is either.

Simple things help me alleviate sadness, like my cat, flowers, music, or writing. Best friends do too.

Now that I am less complicated, simple things will make me feel happy too. They are just very few and far between, and they cost. But I am not thinking all that much about it. I will just let things come, and let go, let my world though fallen apart, just simply be.