Taking the bus to KL

Taking a bus away from this home country, it was all I needed.

I boarded the bus, with all my necessaries, and I took on this journey alone. This sensation, it is the me I am not used to, because I am hardly ever alone this way. It feels like I am always being prevented from being this way. I am who I am with another. I am who I am when I talk. I am who I am when I frown in a listening stance with you. Who can be really alone in these circumstances, it never happens, save for with him. My best friend, closer than a brother.

If I think about the real me, I feel I barely know her. Do I really want to be this person on this bus, on this journey alone.

But I took it on anyway, despite the fact that I abandoned my lover for the days ahead, just to get to know her better.

I waited and thought on my way to that new familiar place. I remember the times I was there with my other half, wondrous, wondrous, I loved him and he loved me, life should have remained that way. Being together in the same room, getting ready to go out together, folding our dirty laundry back into our travelling bags together, I wish, I could still do that with him.

I wish I wasn't alone now then, thinking of that.

Yet I knew, if I stayed home, I would never figure this out: When you are alone, who do you truly want to be with. I would never realise my own answer.

Not only so, I really am this girl alone on this bus. I am the one who loves to be away, and I would rather be away alone than with anyone other than my best friend. I am this person who writes and contemplates, who would very much rather indulge, read and fantasise, who wants to go to the deserts and mountains in between Russia and India and China. You cannot hinder me.

I'm almost there, time to get ready to alight.