What has been happening...

If there was a need to explain, here I will do it.

Puzzling how everything is seemingly still in place.

What in the world...?

Actually, I have been really busy with my work. My life now centres around a few things: work, church, Calvin. That's about all there is. No errands like banking, no shopping, not even for groceries, no cleaning and housework, (yes the house is filthy and in a mess), and no time to read mail. I mean REAL mail, the kind that comes to your letterbox.

Right now, I only fulfill the minimal obligations that I have. Thankfully, all of them I enjoy immensely. Yes I love my work, I love God and church, I love Calvin.

It has been confirmed - I am a workaholic. I now truly believe no one else around me and my colleague Huanjie are as workaholic as we are. No one can really say that they are tired and have so much work because really, we have more. Trust me on that one. Not that I am being proud, but I have reached my own pinnacle that I never saw possible. Working on weekends - check. 20 hour days - check.

I have never worked so hard in my life before. This is like farming. Bending back, planting rice in muddy water, enduring the heat, and feeling all alone in the fields save for your co-worker's presence (for which I thank God!), rushing to meet the seasons. Deadlines. They are always there, they will always arrive at your doorstep.

I really need a car and a licence. The travelling is wearing me down in terms of time spent. I have to scuttle between Pasir Ris / Clementi / Eunos / East Coast / Upper Serangoon / Woodlands and so on for every other day I have to work. Which is almost every day.

I am now in a serious cash flow problem. Where are the thousands scheduled to come in? I wait eagerly. They are on the way, but I need to wait a little while longer. They are certain, but I need to wait. They are on paper, but all still on credit, not in cash. Meanwhile, my debts pile up. I have never owed so many organisations so much money in my lifetime. When I get my cash, I hope I also will find the time to go pay these bills. I think the money is more certain to come by, than the time.

My right arm is strained from over-use. Carrying materials, doing art, they all add to the injury. Yet at the same time I need to paint murals and use my arm for daily living. But of course - arm, how so important right.

We now have about 10 projects to manage at the same time, all at varying levels of completion. The birth pains hurt. The solution does not stop at hiring. It begins with it, but then it continues for a long while, into training and coaching, and into building relationships. Most of all, it is about creating leaders who will change the world with us. All of which take time.

This all adds up... And I feel depressed. This is psychological warfare as well. Anger, tiredness, stress, friction - emotional pressure makes me blow it. Snap.

But right now, I am okay. I should be. I have my indulgences. Intimacy, beer, food, conversation when I can afford it.

I hope I will be okay. I've been prayed for. For health. Inside of me, I say amen to that aspect of health which maintains my psyche, because the snaps have started. I hope they will end.

This is my explanation.