I am so awake, when I was so tired in the daytime, at five in the morning now, I cannot sleep. How much more medicine must I imbibe into my system for me to fall asleep? I hear a noise inside my head that keeps me from reading; I hear a silence that needs to be filled up by electronica. I feel almost completely anhedonic. My cat probably loves life more than I do. I would watch movies in bed until I fell asleep but my laptop is kaput. Black screen. Words. Not working. So I sit erect at my desktop remaining awake. I feel like screaming and cussing out very loud. Writing gives no respite.