wine, music and glee

I think I am very influenced by my surroundings, to the point which I detest. If I were to make a list of things that fill me with glee and make me smile, most of these things will fall into the category of things seen, and therefore temporal.

Sometimes I'd rather be at my studio instead of my own home. Because there are more things I love to do there than here at home, like painting. The lighting there, music and the ambience, are all so loungey and chill that it reminds me of my home when it was still new.

Now because I spend so much time away from home that I hardly have time and energy to do anything about it anymore. The music collection is not constantly being added to, the lighting only helps make the place look less dirty, I have run out of beer (though I have Calvin's wine, thank God), I have no desire to cook, and I have no new books to read.

All this affects my mood. I don't feel too good being home sometimes, except when it's sleeping time. I am a stay-at-home person. My private selfish ambition is to be a tai-tai (hah). I always invite my boyfriend to my place. They rather go out but I rather stay in sometimes (this has led to quarrels before). All my friends know I like being at home. But right now, I am temporarily not so keen on that.

I remind myself of the days when I was renting a room, and I was so inclined to lock myself in my messy room and just stay there. I wouldn't even go to the toilet or the kitchen unless I really had to. I barely said 'Hi' to anyone in the house with me, and my friends seldom came by.

If I could, I would spring-clean and re-decorate my house again. I will stock it with fresh flowers, music, books and DVDs. And more beer, of course. The air permeating my house will smell of scents. My modern Peranakan kitchen will be a place for intimate home-made meals.

-it was once like this.

Yet, the point shouldn't be about the house. It is about the fact that I let things that moth and rust destroy, clog my feelings. I need to re-furnish my my treasures-in-heaven collection, and not lay these down again and again.

Back to work.