I am stressed

My stress and depression used to be two different conditions.



If I was stressed, I'd vent my anger by cursing the customer/company/boss whoever and rant to friends who would make me feel better after that, because, lovely them, they would say things that helped most of the time.



When I went through depression in the past, I would hide under tables or on floors and cry or clam up, unable to express verbally what the hell I was going through. Time would pass me by and suddenly I realise I don't remember 1999 at all.



Now, they come together and become a mental morphism;



Recently, I have been stressed, but inflicted with a different breed of it. There is no boss/customer/company to complain about except for H my best colleague who is immaculate save for the fact that we hate each other sometimes. Seriously though, entrepreneurial stress is completely different. It is like S&M, because it hurts so much, and in the midst of the new, intense pain, you love the pleasure behind it.



Mini-pockets of depression have surfaced this year, and my loved ones have reflected to me, that these bouts are onset because of stress.



It happened once early this year. I was incapacitated, and couldn't go to work for two days, and couldn't do anything at all except read, sleep, cry. It was like a flu that I couldn't control, as all flu's are.



Now that I have introspected on my new reaction to stress, I realise that right now, I feel bits of depression-signals rearing their limbs toward me.



Sometimes I suddenly feel very lonely doing my work.



Other times, I feel like crying -



But of course, letting these get to me is pointless, these triggers have to stay as triggers, and not let myself cave in and hide in bed again about it all and nothing much.



Although I really wish someone would release me from this. I don't want to be sad about nothing. What does this mean? Stress makes me depressed? Or makes me more susceptible to what I am already prone to? Today's society doesn't yet understand depression. People view it as a weakness and not a sign of biologically low levels of serotonin or whatever. I might lose friends who think this way, after admitting that I have weird, unjustifiable feelings. I hope the world changes. I hope my stress goes away as soon as possible, and that I get round to building up my coping mechanism for my changing life situations.