at 3+ am

It is an amazing night here.


I was lying down next to C who is now asleep, with every breath he takes I thank God that he is alive and here with me.


Attempting to sleep, but not before talking to my God. I find my side of the bed awash with a glow, that comes only from communion with Him. He hands me an emerald - this is the second jewel that has appeared in our dreams and visual-conversations.


'I want you to make kings.'


'What are kings? Prideful beings? Spiritual leaders and ministers? Leaders of nations?'


I see children of the street in many nations, and that one child I see now, brown and covered with dust, with nary a clothing on him, that child, is a king.


A king is esteemed, not to enslave, but to serve. A king is empowered, not to take away, but to provide. A king encourages. Makes changes for the better of his own people. Makes history.


'That was my ordinance, until humanity screwed it up with elitism and the fabric of aristocracy they scaffolded, messing up the fabric of my house.


'Deep in your heart of hearts, what is your passion?'


'Missions.' That word itself shakes my bones, conjures up the whole repository of dreams I have had in the last ten years about my very calling, and brings forth tears that will follow.


I am lost. Which is why I sit here in the still of the night, very awake, MSN strangely down, with tears in my eyes, waiting for an answer. I want daylight, but also to have nothing to do with all that daylight requires of a healthy, functional and responsible adult.


I have been having strange dreams. Of things going wrong, subtly. Of overcoming things that shouldn't be overcome. Of unlikely allies. Of regrets that are thankfully but dreams. Of idyllic things, like Serangoon Gardens, children and having fun on a bike. I should narrate these dreams to make sense to you, but I am not a storyteller.


Speaking of storytellers, I stumble upon Oscar Wilde, and read The Happy Prince just awhile ago. Strangely, it is about jewels, and people who are in need, and about immortality.


About a master, and a servant-messenger. No one without the other.


I no longer have that.