Habakkuk 2 -
1 I will stand my watch
And set myself on the rampart,
And watch to see what He will say to me,
And what I will answer when I am corrected.
“ Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.
4 “ Behold the proud,
His soul is not upright in him;
But the just shall live by his faith.
-
Even Paul and Barnabas split ways, seemingly against the mandate that God had given to them as apostles, but yet, not so. For without their split journeys, less of the world would have been impacted by their ministry.
Did they run with the vision?
-
Which is more important, if ever there be a contention: happiness, or destiny (vision)?
It may sound incredible and wholly selfish to say this, but happiness precedes destiny. Before man was around, there was already provision for his well-being. Before I was to be, I was already provided for. Destiny was only delivered after creation was completed, and its delivery sufficed as the first conversation between man and his God. So, destiny is important, but before it happened, God already provided for you and me to be happy and cared for, first and foremost. "How can you love others if you do not know how to love yourself?"
It almost hurt me to know that God would value my happiness over my destined portion of work in this life.
Therefore -
maybe:
I am reminded that I once had to see myself become as a raven. (Not a crow). Ravens are often solitary. I am prone to build my life around accomodating others' plans in mine: I inquire and plan away with them in mind, and am inclined to follow than to create my own path. But that vision of a raven harkened me to wake up and think this: that I don't always have to wait for a group, that some seasons I must go it alone.
I shouldn't write this, because it offends. It may lead readers to think, that I don't need you. It shouldn't be true, for denying our need for others, ratifies pride itself in us. But sometimes, I don't need misaligned plans, I don't need abuse, I don't need to be mis-informed time and again of my slavish position, I don't need disagreement because disagreement (or lack of understanding etc.) leads to failed plans like that of the tower of Babel. Maybe I am like Paul, or Barnabas, and I need the other to leave me so that we can reach this world together, apart.
As I muse selfishly, in search of finding some happiness, I wonder, so what does He want me to do? I said I will follow Him. I haven't changed my mind yet. The Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head - no comfort, no sense of belonging, no safety. If I were to follow, in exchange, He gives me His rest, and His burden in exchange for mine; His house and fatherly love in exchange for my loneliness; His providence where there seems none, and His promises to trust as they are fulfilled. I will never change my mind about following my God, so I hope I know soon, that is, if I can be both happy and destiny-fulfilled eventually.
Surprised that I am panting on and on about this dilemma? So am I, for I have yet to seriously doubt to this extent that I am on the right course. I am feeling the bearings change: as I move, I see the location of my next destination at a more and more obtuse angle, with the wind cutting against me differently as I run.
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