world change

I wouldn't even bother to list them all down, there are too many. I read and come to know of many shit-happenings - of injustice, calamity, devastation - around the world, not those that befall just one man, but to many, to those who are of innocence but for the fact they exist.


What am I doing right now that can effect world change? This thought is a stick shift that is my only resistance against the barrage of world calamities happening in too many places to too many people.


(Not affected? Think about it: In a world of affluence for the everyday person, where monarchies have been shamed and economies of scale have been made available for everyone, there is still poverty and affliction just like in the days of freaking-yore.)


Recent events on the home front have also jolted me into thinking, whether the direction I have been taking, requires a break for a parallel journey, one that more directly accelerates my stick shift into world change.


(Where am I in all this?)


I am depressed by all these things happening all over this world. And what am I doing about it actively? Apart from praying sometimes for them, apart from that one bloody mission trip I take a year, apart from trying my hardest to make money in a meaningful way (which to date still sees me poor, but at least I have a house and stuff, albeit on a negative balance sheet), what have I done? So what for all this?


Maybe this feeling of nothing-accomplished is a passing depressive phase. Or it might be God's wake up call again and again to me. Maybe this desire to change, or add, plans is a desire to be personally happy. Or maybe it is something I truly must re-think, re-work into my my current work-ministry direction.


I know this is part of my destiny: missions. For the health, safety, providence, love and salvation of as many as are in need. This has never changed in the last ten years since this vision was planted inside me.


Just unfortunate now that I am a sick rabbit who also wishes to be happy. I once thought, it is far better to be unhappy and in love, than to be happy and not in love. Yes, unfortunately I did meet a villian of a man that forked my choices into only those two listed above. Now, seeing that I am unhappy but walking the seemingly right (till a week ago) course of work-ministry, perhaps in a week I shall be able to tell myself, what my other choice will be.