Ray and Jane and Evelyn

Recently I re-read Animal Husbandry which I found to be rather shallow the first time I read it, but when I did again this time around, I felt it to be much more of worth. The conversation and unfolding of plot seem credible now.


I also find my experiences similar to Jane's from the story. She has been lied to by the man she fell in love with, Ray. He falls in love with her, but after they get together and he suggests they move in together, he decides that the relationship is no longer what he wants. This is not the lie, but rather, what unfolds afterward. It turns out, he has been going out with another girl, Evelyn, all this while, and he went off with Evelyn the minute he said he was 'not ready for another relationship now'. Sounds familiar?


It sounds juvenile, yes, but I can feel how Jane felt when, after Ray and her were no longer together, she saw Evelyn one day, wearing Ray's shirt - and that's how she found out. She then turned obsessive, and went to investigate, and there she found out the whole story.


Jane's housemate, Eddie, told her that she was getting too obsessive, and that it had been a year since Ray left, and that she will find someone to love that way again, and someone will love her again. This broke her down. Personally I believe it, but then again, the brand of love may or may not be the same or better the next time around. After all, it will be a different man.


Part of me wants Evelyn and Ray to break up, and the other part of me wants them to be together so that Ray would be happy eventually. Anyway, the real Rays of my life are indeed having problems with their currents, perhaps they might forever be alone in this life and unhappy. I feel sad when the Evelyns shed their tears, and I feel them. I also still hate the sneaking around behind or in front or after my back. I hurt myself by imagining Evelyn and Ray together, although I know that she is not me, and I gloat because I was there first. We are sharing now, but I was there first.


This is too much gloating; there is too much sharing, and ultimately, there will be a piece of him you cannot have - this I address to myself.


Isn't all this coming and going all too troublesome? Ordinarily, all the girls who are now currents-of-the-exes or exes-of-the-current, would all be good friends had they known each other under milder circumstances. But we all have to try more than once, and ruin everything. They all have to lie and hold discreetly their actions from me, and make me hate them more than I would if they came clean.


Enjoy your pre-marital beds, your honeymoons, your darting-and-hiding actions, your eventual break-ups. I see them all, and enjoy them: thankfully, I am masochistic.