what's with the self check list?

I wrote just two nights ago, about my interests and hobbies.


It sounds rather juvenile, this topic, and so I will reveal the intent behind it.


Recently Calvin said that we have no common interests, and therefore, no common conversational threads. He has come to find this trying, or rather, in Kee Min's words as I confided in him, he is becoming restless. Calvin has asked me to think about what we could possibly find common in our interests. As of tonight, the problem is pretty much on its way out. But at the time I wrote the self-check, I almost felt as if, I would lose yet another man. Which is no easy experience to wonder over.


I am too emotionally-old to start over, too used up, I have too much history for a good man, and honestly, I hate the starting of a new relationship because there is too much groundwork.


Has no one felt this way before? There is too much foundation to have to lay.


Firstly, you have to know where his beliefs lie in many life aspects. What is his direction in life? What do you feel about children? What does he feel about your idealistic mission- ambitions? Does his presence itself challenge your personal beliefs?


Secondly, PARENTS. Ever had the prospective mother-in-law from hell before? I have. Thankfully she is no longer the prospect.


Thirdly, do you live well together? You will know this from the very first night you ever have to spend together. Can you take his bad habits or his, yours? Or is he open to correction if there are unsavoury habits?


Also, how much history do you have to reveal? I know I always reveal too much at my own expense. Guys hate to know your history, please never reveal more than is necessary and always, always, leave out the details.


Wait, there's more. Do your friends approve? Or him of your friends? Or you of his?


Gosh, the list is never ending. It kills the experience of meeting a nice new male stranger who you can't help but just want to know, to spend time with as often as you can, and to take home in your pockets as soon as possible. Honestly, if the fall-in-love feeling is all you want, then you just need role-play and sexual banter to make the attraction and tension ever-present in any relationship. This is how I stay in love beyond the first few weeks till every today.


Anyway, Calvin and I may have different interests, different ways of charting our life direction with God, and love completely different activities most of the time. If anything, our only common interests are clubbing because we love the same music, and anime. That will be all.


But nothing beats being with Calvin, because I love him for who he is and not what he can do with me. I can find a million art-fanatics/reading geeks/depressive solitude-seekers, but few are able to eventually become my real life companion. Love to me is like companionship, because a true companion loves you, and is able to communicate that love to you, just as you should be able to communicate the same to him. Companionship is almost everything. It encompasses intimacy, love, and communication. It is hard for love to transcend without communion.


We may not love certain things about each other, like he hates how insensitive I am (all men do, I have this disqualifying trait that generally repels them), and how I hate his (insert undesirable Calvin-trait). But somehow, because we communicate well enough, we still work things out. Not in the way some people do such as to ply with gifts, make-up sex or apologies. But really, something concrete and tangible beyond all that.


And with regards to life direction, I know that, Calvin will become a man of great influence, that he lives to want to make his life a difference to this world, and that as God directs, we will work the path out together somehow.